at the moment it seems like everyone has the answers to my problems, yet no-one actually takes the time to see whether their answers are actually useful in a real world situation for me, gone are the times that i’d let the world pass me by in a haze of not giving a fuck, over the past year i’ve become a straight out go getter and fuck you if you think you’re stopping me getting to where i want to be.
but as is the case with such things, people tend to want to bring you crashing back down to square one and make you feel 2 inches tall. and quite frankly those people are fucking arseholes. there’s always a reason i can’t do such a thing, even if the reason is utter bullshit. like the reason i can’t have my hair in a mohican, because it’s too different and your hair looked better before. excuse me while i take your opinion on the matter and not pay attention to it, because its shit. i don’t care what people think about me, i don’t care if people think my hair is a little outlandish or a little odd. i am odd. so in all fairness it suits my personality. im also a performer, which as a standard means im outgoing and sometimes a little strange. but these people insist on throwing their opinions down my throat and in some cases making me believe their bullshit and making me think i can’t do something when i know i can. the main perpetrators are my parents, they tend to think that because i’m a music student i wont ever amount to anything and i should have taken my resit as a law student and studied to be a barrister. now excuse me while i pick apart this opinion in 2 easy steps
1. i find law to be the single most boring fucking subject going
2. i find music fascinating.
by my own logic it seems that music is the better study option. which seems pretty fair in that respect. but no, i’m obviously wrong because everyone has studied law, and everyone has studied music, especially 49 year old women who’s sole ambition for 2012 is to become a shopkeeper in ikea, which by what i actually paid attention to is akin to a shelf stacker come cashier in most other retail chains. i apologize that my ambitions climb higher than where the fucking meatballs go. my ambitions take me all over the world, they’ve already taken me to indonesia, where someone has already asked when my album will be out, dispite the fact that there is only 2 30 second snippets of unfinished track avaliable. on the other hand there is always the fact that music to me is amazing, and therefore more useful to me than fucking law. i will be more happy studying music than law at any time in my life and therefore will be happier in a career with music.
my hairstyle has no bounds on the fact that i know i am a bloody good musician and i know what the fuck im doing. and thats not even coming to the fact that it’s my life and my choices so butt the fuck out of it.
the only person who seems to give advice with any thought into the real world applications is my Girlfriend, who pays attention and actually helps me work out the answers for myself, rather than listening a little bit then saying o yeah you’re wrong this is right do it this way. because she knows i’ll just say, fuck that.
another thing is i failed my second year at uni, and i feel like i’ve let everyone down with that, the only person who gave me reassurance that i hadn’t let them down was again Gem, my parents seem to give great pleasure rubbing things in. there are no shortage of fucking snide remarks and comments and there certainly isn’t a shortage of gloating. but i’m sorry, where are your degrees? actually screw that one, wheres your post high school education qualifications, and no an NVQ or GNVQ does not count towards that.
granted i don’t have formal A-levels, but i got a decent Btec mark, and 2 As levels. which are obvioulsy good enough for the best music university in the country (they must be they WRITE THE DEGREE) this is something the parents seem to forget, its not oxford or cambridge or wherever, i don’t care. music degree from salford = i know my shit.
it pisses me off when people think they know whats best for me when in actual fact, they haven’t got a clue. thats why i don’t speak about my problems much, and if i do, its generally to Gem, because she pays attention to me.
but from now on. theres a change in me, and i couldn’t give a fucking rats arse if people like it or not, i will be studying, i will be getting the grades, and when i get my marks back i will take great pleasure in throwing them at my mum and telling her to shove her fucking ikea shopkeeping qualification up her arse. im sick of it!